“Lived in” Global High Intensity Activation (GHIA) - Somatic Experiencing Intermediate

25 Aug

As a clinician in training with lived experience of grief, catastrophic loss and trauma I recently disclosed my own GHIA-ness at an SE Intermediate training. Whilst I have no regrets, I did feel the wave of collective shame move through my system and the room as people began to approach me because they saw themselves in my words and tears. In reflecting on our week together as students in as Intermediate Somatic Experiencing training, it seems important to consider this category of trauma which we learn about in Year 2 of the training. I sense that so many of us share this collective pain of being seen as too much, too sensitive, unlovable, crazy, sick, chronically ill, mad and the list goes on.

As I write I carry a sadness in my throat and heart that GHIA in the SE world seems to have somehow picked up the same collective energy that BPD has in the Biomedical world. And yet, I don’t think anyone knows more about regulating than GHIA folks. I notice also the SE Intermediate manual always refers to GHIA as a “her”, a subtle but important gendered nuance worth mentioning…

As an activist, social worker, therapist and intersectional feminist I am committed to kick boxing the kind of “collective shame” I felt in the training off this planet. But particularly if we as women are to continue to carry this thread of generational/ancestral rage, we must move from the male dominant projections of our justifiable distress to embodying our rage and madness as strength, as healthy aggression and empowerment.

But back to my life for a moment, I would say the manuals description of the GHIA person being “fully on” or “fully off” describes my early life of workaholism, chronic caretaking of others, shitty relationships, insomnia, anxiety and multiple auto immune diseases. By 27, I was emotionally, spiritually, and physically cooked and seeking healing… extreme diets, yoga retreats, white shamans, and overpriced naturopaths. And while perhaps some of these places provided temporary relief, the top-down emphasis usually led me towards more anxiety, stress and dysregulation by the excess demands it placed on my time and financial resources. GHIA folks are particularly vulnerable to “healing shitfuc*ery”.

After my life demo I was approached by a number of colleagues reflecting on their own major depression, Autism, and other “diagnosis” and wondering about correlations with GHIA. As a person with an avoidant, oppositional defiant flavour to being GHIA, I often resist the biomedical models categorisations of our difference. And whilst I see the value of diagnosis and ‘labels’ in my frontline work as a social worker, where a label dictates whether someone gets support or not, I also see how they can also be dehumanising and I tend to hold them lightly.

So to those questions, I will respond with, who invented these categories? What systems of power and knowledge was involved in their formulations? In a study by Cosgrove et al. (2014) research highlights that even with increased transparency, mandatory disclosure policies would not be enough to prevent bias in the revision process and clinical decision making in terms of which interventions for mental disorders that appear in the DSM… I would also ask how do you want to identify? If a diagnosis of ASD leads to belonging, access to social emotional or financial support, great. If ADHD leads to less shame, amazing. If it makes you feel more broken! Drop it! Diagnosis can be extremely important AND Western Eurocentric approaches are just one system of knowledge for constructing our distress.

I also had an interesting conversation with another training participant who was caring enough to ask about my chronic disease. After the horrific death of my brother in a road accident at 25 I was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease. No-one in my family has it. We spoke about my pathology as she works in that space and she reflected that perhaps I didn’t even have kidney disease anymore. I am 40 now and after many years of exploring somatics and embodiment my tests have improved slowly but certainly over the last decade...

What I realised is that on my long somatic journey of attending and befriending my kidney disease (and body), my mind has actually made kidney disease a close friend, even a comrade in liberation. Before I could say anything, she realised that if I had made peace with kidney disease, that perhaps it was wise to not entirely chuck that diagnosis out with the bathwater! If you have a chronic illness it IS a wise move to take care of yourself, get checkups and treat your body with extra care. The gift of holding all things lightly.

A Swazi, Zulu, and Ndebele inyanga traditional healer, Thabiso Ndondlo (Thabiso Mthimkhulu) notes that “meaning making around illness is culturally dependent, something that can be called illness in one culture, in another is a gift”. Furthermore, “In African Indigenous medicine, we believe an illness to be alive. It is a conversation, a relationship between healer and patient. Meaning is collectively determined. We speak to the energy of the illness. We talk directly to it. Sometimes we can call that sickness, that energy, into our own body so it can speak for itself and tell us what it wants and needs” @thabisoheals

Another friend and colleague beginning to recognize their own patterns of “globalness” commented on observing my embodied self as “always needing to regulate”, these kinds of observations albeit innocent can also be shaming. And it is wise to avoid it making comments about a nervous system as though we are watching a science experiment. Our funny, warm and skilled SE Faculty Trainer and Osteopath Kavi Gemin, made perhaps one of the most important points of the whole training, “I am not just a nervous system, I am a person”.

It is also important to acknowledge what First Nations and BIPOC colleagues and teachers have taught me- that the desire to be liked feeds white supremacy. Perfectionism feeds white supremacy. EVERYONE has to drop this perfectionism pull, but especially white people. If we are to be honest with ourselves about the state of our world, if we are to change the trajectory – we actually desperately need big feeling GHIA folks. The ONLY way I have managed to “resist burnout” (Vicky Reynolds) as an activist, community organiser, and therapist is to tell the truth and follow the advice of Kathy Kain (in regards to developmental trauma)…“regulation, regulation, regulation”.

In addition, if we are to view GHIA through the lens of additional subcategories of pre and peri natal trauma, fetal distress, birth trauma -the pressures on young parents are only increasing. White capitalist supremacist patriarchy (Bell Hooks) is relentlessly dysregulating for everyone and it is killing us and nature. We are in this together. “Your Liberation is tied up in ours, stay strong” - a personal note from Jackie Huggings, author, Bidjara and Birri Gubba Juru peoples.

Much love to Tracey and Ian for your tireless efforts in organising and holding the SE training container and brought Somatic Experiencing to Australian shores. Find out about their other somatic trainings here

Some advice from a “lived in” Global body-mind…

We may not trust you for a long time, normalise this, give us space. Trust is a process that we earn through the dance of rupture and repair.
Going fast and hardening is a survival technique, don’t try to slow us down or soften the armour too quickly… throwing a car from 5th gear into neutral hurts the engine.
Global folks tend to have an abundance of self-awareness, resources and heart energy.
Don’t tell us we can’t regulate or we are dysregulated, do not dehumanise us.
Try to stay out of analysing, the art of ‘being with’ is regulating in and of itself.
Practice authenticity, honesty, vulnerability (Thomas Hubl).
Don’t underestimate the power of “self-practice” and “self-touch” at home

Electric Fields is an Australian electronic music duo made up of vocalist Zaachariaha Fielding and keyboard player and producer Michael Ross. Electric Fields combine modern electric-soul music with Aboriginal culture and sing in Pitjantjatjara, Yankunytjatjara and English. Song: Throw the Shade Away.

My love and enduring Solidarity with First Nations, People of Culture and LGBTQI + SB friends and colleagues who have taught me so much. “Throw the shade (shame) away.”